Sweetheartisms & Sh*t I Say to My Boyfriend

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After many raised eyebrows, it's occurred to me that Sweetheart and I apparently have a very quotable relationship.  These are the kinds of sweet nothings we say to each other:

Sweetheartisms
-Is that Orgasm all over your face or are you just happy to see me?

The Best Push Presents

This can be mine if I don't mind having, as Borat would say, wizard's sleeve lady parts.

A while ago, I received this photo from Sweetheart when he was at the Toronto Auto Show, followed by a text saying it’ll be mine once I bear his 7th child. Setting aside the fact that I am not a sow (and therefore refuse to produce that many offspring) –

30DC25: Animal I Want As A Pet

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I, like most people on the internet, would like a Maru for a pet!!!  But since there's only one Maru in the world, I suppose I'll settle for any other cute, round breed of cat.  A Scottish fold like him or a tabby or maybe a Himalayan!

That's if I were being practical, of course.  If we can dip into the realm of fantasy, I'd like to have a

20DC23: 10 Unexpected Traits

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1.) I used to love playing with “boys’ toys” – transformers, carpentry sets, cars, airplanes, monsters, everything.

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2.) I’m not afraid of bugs. Okay, I don’t like centipedes/millipedes and growing up in Canada, I’ve never had to

30DC21: What's In My Purse

My purse and its contents - the only thing not pictured is my phone (iPhone4), which I used to take this picture!

A gay man once proclaimed that I have "THE most boring purse, like, ever" after rifling through mine, and he proceeded to ask if I really were born female, because how could any woman leave the house so unprepared?!

"What if

30DC9: My Handwriting

I promise I didn't filter this image, even though it looks totally Instagrammed!

I think my handwriting is “artistically messy” and kind of androgynous – it’s not obviously written by a man or a woman – and I like that. I’ve never been a loopy, circly, sub-hearts-for-dots kind of writer. As a kid I used to dislike my writing because I thought it looked harsh, but I’ve come to like it more and more, especially when a university classmate stood over my desk to watch me take notes once because he said my handwriting was “kinda beautiful.”

When I write, I always print because

30DC7: Someone I'd Trade Places With

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Of course I’d want to trade places with someone who has a ton of money, a slammin’ body, and a superhot boyfriend/husband. I briefly contemplated Gisele Bundchen because I’d love to sample some Tom Brady, but I really don’t care for football – I watch soccer. So obviously, for me, I’d trade places with a soccer WAG. And, as I’ve established, I’d make an awesome one. The problem is which footie to pick.

The first names to come in mind were:

30DC6: 10 Likes & Dislikes

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My 10 likes and dislikes are as follows:

30DC5: Meaning Behind My Blog Name

How appropriate, because I often get asked about the origin of my blog name! “The Soap Heiress” comes from two things:

30DC4: Top 10 Celebrity Crushes

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If you're a girl or gay boy, please just skip ahead to the jump.  You're welcome.

If you're one of my 3 straight male readers, this post is worth your time to read because it shows you what (some) women like aesthetically, and also because it can clearly show you how women see men differently.  It's amazing to me how different our tastes are - what we find attractive and what straight guys think will attract us.  So consider this an informal lesson and consult your best girl buddy if you have any other questions.

Without further ado, here are my top 10 celebrity crushes:

30DC2: My Signs

I know - I couldn't believe I could find such a perfect graphic, either!
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30 Day Challenge Day 2: Your zodiac sign and if it suits you

I am a

30DC1: A Baby Picture of Me

That face clearly says, "I'm so pissed off, Mommy!"

This is a photo of me in Superwoman’s* arms, right after an epic, hour-long, wailing hissy fit in the car that frayed my grandfather's nerves (and almost caused a car accident because he was driving). Said fit occurred because

The Lowly Finance Marketer

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I’ve found that whenever I go on dates, inevitably at some point the fact that I almost went to law school will come up. It’s because living in France and Spain are some of the most interesting things about me, I think – and definitely two of the most exciting things ever to happen to me.

You see,

Sometime During 25, I

A quarter of a century ago today!

Sometime during 25, I:

What I'd Tell My Younger Self

Me at 19!

Don’t go for the most glamourous jobs – go with what you do best. This will save you lots of time, money, and heartache.

Don’t go for the guys who are ideal on paper – that doesn’t necessarily translate to a good partnership & relationship in real life.

You’re so creative; put it to good use and don’t be afraid to reach out!

Switch after first year if you don’t like your major – “give it another year” is shit advice that you should not listen to.

Sororities and Greek life are not all they’re cracked up to be – don’t join one!!! Life is much better as a GDI. ;)

Mom’s right; school comes first.

Mom’s right again; don’t dye your virgin hair because it’ll irrevocably damage and dry it out, and it’ll never be as soft as it naturally was to begin with. You’ll go grey and need to dye it regularly soon enough.

Never let anyone – family or otherwise – bully you into doing anything you don’t want because you’re the one who has to live your life.

He’s not worth it.

Neither is he.

Or that guy, either, but he won’t be a complete waste of time because at least you’ll learn something about yourself.

You are capable. 

You can and will save yourself – don’t be afraid to make mistakes.

Exercise regularly, floss diligently, and wear sunscreen daily.

Binge-eating doesn’t actually make you feel better – at least not after you’ve swallowed and the food is no longer in your mouth.

Do your own makeup for prom – it’s so not worth what they charge at those bridal salons and you will hate your pictures forever! But it’s okay to pay to get your hair done because you’ll never learn how to make it look nice.

Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve for every new friend that comes along; the best people you know and the ones you can trust with your life are the friends you’ve known since childhood.

Boys love bums, no matter how meagre. So stop being so self-conscious about yours – it’s perfectly adequate. Also, you’re better-looking and skinnier than you think you are.

Enjoy life and have fun! 

You’ll be okay.

Why I'm Awesome At My Job

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The following are some verbatim requests from my boss that I've fulfilled at work:

“Tina, I need to find someone. He’s

My First Yoga Class

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“Namaste,” the diminutive, caramel-skinned, bangin’-bodied, bald instructer greeted us in a soothing voice that was laced with a Spanish accent. “Is anyone here new to yoga?”

I raised my hand shyly. Calmly delighted,

Things I've Learned from Sweetheart

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but I thought I'd pick out a few highlights:

1.) Athletic ability and academic ability are not mutually exclusive. 
Inconveniently, this refutes my often-used excuse for explaining why I’ve always been hopelessly terrible at sports. But apparently some people are so gifted.

2.) “Mutually exclusive” is an engineering term. 

3.) Boys will...

2012 In Review

"Our tree is EXPLODING with presents!" the little ones exclaimed gleefully after everyone set down their contributions. :)

2012 was a year of big changes and lots of learning for me:

Romantic Poverty

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I heard a song on the radio the other day that absolutely infuriated and disgusted me.  It made me very, very angry.  But I