My Butt Song

When I first saw the apartment that I’m living in, I was hesitant to take it because it’s on the third floor (which in France actually means it's on the fourth), and there’s no elevator in the building, and ceilings in most French buildings are higher because most of the buildings are really old. I’d have to hike up 60 stairs every day to get home! But I was starting to get desperate, and the location was really stellar, so I took it, comforting myself with the thought, “At least my butt will be amazing by the end of the year!”

Now, nearly a semester later, I don’t really think my butt is much different from how it was in September, but I’m sure the exercise is good for me.

So I wrote this a while ago, and I think it might have made someone fall in love with me at the time. It can be sung to the tune of “If I Only Had A...” from Wizard of Oz:

Oh, my hips would sway so proudly,
To the music playing loudly,
Please forgive my being crass.
How I covet a healthy jiggle,
When I give a casual wiggle,
If I only had an ass.

I'd encase them in hot jeans
Befitting a siren queen,
I'd stop walking - I would strut.
I'd be so enamoured,
Of my posterior glamour
If I only had a butt.