Sunday, May 5, 2013

The Best Push Presents

This can be mine if I don't mind having, as Borat would say, wizard's sleeve lady parts.
A while ago, I received this photo from Sweetheart when he was at the Toronto Auto Show, followed by a text saying it’ll be mine once I bear his 7th child. Setting aside the fact that I am not a sow (and therefore refuse to produce that many offspring) –
obviously, such a gift would really be more of a present for him, wouldn’t it? I told him that I prefer jewellery – particularly diamonds. And I am not (that) greedy; the kinds of baubles I have in mind are significantly cheaper than this car.

But then that got me thinking: why are push presents so popular nowadays? Is it, like Valentines Day, a concept that was fabricated (or hyped up, at least) by companies to encourage consumerism? Or is it simply a movement borne of genuine gratefulness that has become popular? If it’s the latter, what does it say about us and our society that we need to express gratitude with lavish gifts? Aren’t children, by virtue of what they are, a win-win situation? And what about our sisters who live in countries where this is not done? How do they deal?

…and there I go again. I do this all the time. I need to stop biting the hand that feeds me. After all, I plan to have only two or three kids, and depending on whether I have multiples, my plan doesn’t translate to many push presents at all. I’m on board! Here are my picks for the best push presents:

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*a day at the spa: full body massage, facial, manicure and pedicure
Translation: “Wonderful wife, thank you for giving me this beautiful child. You take such good care of all of us; please allow me to pamper you.”

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*diamonds: because diamonds are a girl’s best friend
Translation: “My love, thank you for this lifelong gift. Here is a three carat diamond for our third child, because diamonds are forever.”

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*a vacation: some “us time” for mommy and daddy is good for the entire family; I vote for any major city in Europe or Asia
Translation: “Sweetheart, thank you for bringing our child into the world; I am over the moon. Let me take you somewhere just as exotic as a token of my appreciation.” 

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*a designer diaper bag: because, obviously
Translation: “Darling, thank you so much for putting your body through such trauma to bestow a child upon me. Please accept this gift so that you can stylishly store supplies for wiping his/her precious, tiny bum.” 

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*Frette sheets: since sleep will be scarce, might as well make it as awesome of an experience when there’s time for it
Translation: “Baby, thank you for making me a father. Since you’ll be up at odd hours taking care of our child, please rest your beautiful body on these deliciously comfortable sheets when there is downtime.” 

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*a new camera/camcorder: the better to document baby’s life; if I knew how to use it, I’d want a DSLR, but because I don’t, I’ll be content with a super high-end camcorder and a super high-end portable camera
Translation: “Dear heart, thank you for giving my parents grandchildren. Please accept this gift so that you can share our special moments with them.” 

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*a new computer: to edit the footage of your family life, and because new computers = happiness
Translation: “Love of my life, thank you for fulfilling my life by having our child. Let me fulfill yours with this awesome new desktop with a huge screen, sexy graphics, and wicked fast processor.”

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