Relating

Are you keeping in mind the lessons you learned in 2008?

This time last year, I was getting over an abusive relationship I’d just left. Of course, I saw all the warning signs in the beginning, but I chose to ignore them because I was chasing after certain ideologies that I now understand aren’t real and aren’t healthy. It lasted way too long. And towards the end, like in any abusive relationship, I’d wavered about leaving because it was such a significant part of my life for so long, something I’d put my entire self into, but really, each day more was too much because I was dying inside.

I learned how dangerous blind faith is, and how prevalent it is in the world. I learned that I need to take better care of myself. I learned not to make one thing the sole epicentre of my life, because healthy living involves a balance of many enriching things and experiences. And I learned how completely dedicated and devoted I can be. I keep trying to remind myself that this is what I took away from that experience, this positive, new knowledge. That instead of mourning what was gone or being angry about it, I should move on and apply the lessons I learned to the rest of my life.

I think this is worth mentioning because someone I love very much is in a bad relationship right now, which is having an awful effect on her. Her significant other has turned her into a person I really dislike, at least 75% of the time. I don’t want to come off too strong in my opinions, because I know she’ll just defiantly cling harder to the soul-sucking jerk she’s attached to right now, but regardless, I know she won’t ever get out of that relationship, for the following reasons: Firstly, she’s made it pretty permanent. Secondly, she has self-esteem issues, and she probably thinks that she won’t be able to do any better. I disagree, but what I think doesn’t really signify. Thirdly, she wants so badly to believe that she’s happy. And finally, her uncouth, piece of garbage significant other wouldn’t ever make it even remotely easy.

If you’ve ever had a similar experience, you know how detrimental an unhealthy relationship can be to a person. How do you know if your relationship is good or bad? Here are some signs:

1.) Your significant other (SO) makes you feel bad about yourself.

2.) You find yourself becoming alienated from your family and friends, the people you are closest to, while becoming closer and closer to your SO, until you feel like no one can better understand you or make you as happy.

3.) In your darkest hour, your SO won’t support you.

4.) Your SO treats the people you love like crap.

5.) You rarely have any disagreements because you always, always get your way. It’s not obvious, but this is a signal of an ulterior motive. Who always wants to acquiesce to someone else?

There are more, but these are the big ones I can think of, based on my own experience and that of the person I love. I wish she would see this, but the truth is, she probably does and chooses to ignore it – I’ve been there before. But even though I can’t do much to help her, I want to alert you, my readers, about this, and I wish you all a year of wonderful, positive, and healthy relationships!

XOXOXO