I'm capable.

I just nonchalantly asked my mother if, oh, you know, I might have been sired by a gentleman who might POSSIBLY have European citizenship - or if he might be a descendant of someone who does. Because, you know, I totally wouldn't judge her if my biological father isn't actually the person I was raised to believe he is. It's okay. In fact, it would be totally groovy because then I could skip all this dramatic visa/contract bullshit.

Wait, I've totally lost you, haven't I? Let me backtrack a bit.

You know what it's like when you've been wanting something so badly for such a long time (we're talking years) with every fiber of your being? And then you feel so helpless and hopeless when you do more research because doors keep shutting in your face? And then you get the doomed, sinking feeling that your dream will just never come true because it just doesn't seem feasible? And then somehow, by some amazing twist of fate you chance across the opportunity to attain your goal? And then miraculously things seem to fall into place piece by piece as you incredulously watch from where you are? And then you start letting yourself believe that - maybe - your wildest dreams just might come true?

That's what I'm going through.

I started learning Spanish in high school, when I was 16 years old. I always thought it was a gorgeous language and it was one of my favourite subjects. I kept it up in university and I just very steadily developed a massive crush on Spanish culture. Never mind that the things we were shown in school were probably a little stereotypical - I was just so curious about it and I wanted to learn more. When I completed all the advanced grammar courses in university, I stopped taking Spanish because I was majoring in two subjects and I didn't have room for electives anymore.

Then last year I went to live in France; it was my third visit to Europe. I swear, I fall in love with the continent every time I set foot on it. It was so anti-climactic to go home. Since I came home, I've been gripped by an overwhelming wanderlust. I just knew I wasn't finished with Europe yet, and since then I've been a little bit obsessed over finding a legitimate excuse to go back.

"Legitimate" being either a study program that'll be relevant to my chosen field (public relations/communications/marketing/advertising) or finding a job. But I've been in school for-absolutely-ever and I really feel like I need to accumulate some work experience, so I thought that an internship or, more preferably, a permanent position would be the way to go. And naturally, I had my heart set on Spain.

Then I came across an absolute angel of a lady who believed in me and referred me to some contacts she knew. We formed a friendship and I applied. Then I got offered an internship early February - I know, I couldn't believe it, either.

But now I'm running into contract problems. I need the co-operation of my school, which I'm not getting right now, and without it I won't be able to get the visa I need. If only I were European, or a descendant of someone with European citizenship, or married to a European (okay, let's not even go there) I could just go and work there, no problem, and I might even get paid. Hence the question to my mom.

But I'm not so fortunate, so I've been going back and forth between the company and my school for a month now, trying my very best to work things out, absolutely unwilling to let such an opportunity slip away just because I can't get a piece of paper signed, when I've worked so hard for so long - and I continue to work so hard every day - to make it happen. It has to happen. There's no other way. Not going and losing this are just not options. There's no way in hell I'm ever going to give up; I want it too badly. Besides, how could I possibly give up when my angel lady has so much faith in me and has been doing so much to help me - and the HR person at the company has been sticking with me this whole time trying to work this out?

I'm going to find a way to make this happen.

Wish me luck?