Friday, October 15, 2010

Stinky McGermbody

The following is a work of fiction. Any similarities with real people is pure coincidence. And if you read this entire post you will probably think that I am very angry and/or a terribly mean-spirited person. You'd be right on both counts.

He is the annoying kid that repulsed and irritated everyone in the class - all grown up and pushing 30. A steady stench of dirty, wet towels and fish guts emanate from him...

His own, unique brand of hygiene is as peculiar as it is disgusting. First thing in the morning he dips a piece of toilet paper into day-old water left in his mug to wipe off his work area. Stubborn sticky spots (imagined and real) are treated to his saliva - his telephone receiver, his mouse, his keyboard and his desk.

He pouts, sulks and complains endlessly if he doesn't get his way - incidentally, he blames his colleagues when he is sick because they insist on using the air conditioning in 37+ÂșC weather. Consequently, he refuses to cover his mouth when he coughs and sneezes, which he does with as much force as he can muster, to hopefully get everyone else sick, too, to share the pain they supposedly caused. He also refuses to see a doctor when others suggest it - which is telling, because after all, because no one can be saved if they don't want to be.

He randomly brings in garbage to his work place, accumulating a big pile of useless junk that eventually has to be contained in its own shelf - no one knows what it's for and if or when he will ever take it home. When something is on sale at the supermarket, he will go buy as much as he can carry every day until the sale is over, and he will tirelessly eat the same things every day until he finishes it.

He touches, spanks, hugs and otherwise bothers all female colleagues because it's the only chance he ever gets to be in physical contact with women.

And when he speaks English, he speaks with the lilt of a child-toucher.

He is Stinky McGermbody.

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