Why I'm Awesome At My Job

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The following are some verbatim requests from my boss that I've fulfilled at work:

“Tina, I need to find someone. He’s

in his mid-40s and has a thick Filipino accent. I’m not sure what his title is exactly, but he can open accounts and he works in one of the branches somewhere along the shoreline. One of our clients wants to open accounts for her children and she wants to go back to the same person who opened her account 20 years ago. Can you find him? Try not to sound racist when describing him.”

“Tina, who’s the person who helped us write a promotional article sometime last year? I think there might have been two people. A man and woman, maybe. Or it could’ve just been a man. I’m not sure what his title is or which branch he works at but we were in touch. Can you figure out who it is and get me his contacts?”

“Can you dig up information on this prospect? His name’s come up in conversation with Mr. Big Deal Hotshot Client a few times and I think he could either make a good client or an important network contact. Find out everything you can – what he does, where he lives, what his family situation is, what he does for fun, if he has a dog, what its name is and what it likes to eat. I’m setting up a meeting.”

“Tina, I just need a little more…*squints* you know. And I want this piece to have more…*twists right palm clockwise* and perhaps a bit less…*twists palm counter-clockwise and squints some more*. And for our client appreciation event, we want to evoke…*waves hand in the air* that atmosphere. You know what I mean.”

And I do!

I often muse that I’m the Johnny Depp to my boss’ Tim Burton.