Monday, November 22, 2010

F*ck You; I'm So Beautiful.

Hi friends!

As you can see, I've abandoned NaBloPoMo for a couple days.  After doing it for just over half a month, I've discovered that the mandatory daily format really isn't for me - when I have nothing to say, I really don't want to be writing just for the sake of writing.  It really brings down the quality of my posts - like when I start writing about tweezers, for cryin' out loud.

So I've decided to stick to a more realistic posting schedule - basically I will only post when I actually have something of substance to say, and I will try to post 3-4 times a week.  If you come here via Facebook, don't count on that to always alert you of my posts, because I don't always remember to post a note there!

I'm back today, because I have something important to say, in case you haven't already deduced from my title. :P

Once upon a time, I temporarily lost my mind for 2.5 years and was in a sorority.  In fact, I was in so deep that I was in charge of recruitment in the executive council, and I was really, really good at it.  One day, when I was talking a girl into joining, she said to me:

"Wow, Tina, you want me to join your sorority?  That sounds like so much fun!  I'd love to!  Because you're awesome.  I'd love to hang out with you more.  My friend Kelly is also in a sorority, but I'd never even think of joining hers.  Imagine how intimidating that would be!  I've seen a picture of her with her sorority sisters.  They're all SO beautiful.  Their makeup is perfect, they're all blond and so pretty, they have perfect outfits, they're all teeny-tiny - they're all just perfect and SO gorgeous.  I'd feel so fat and ugly next to them.  But I'd love to join your sorority, Tina, because you're awesome and I'm not intimdated by you at all."

More recently, I had a conversation with a co-worker about a male colleague with whom I butt heads every so often.  I asked her if he's as rude with other interns as he sometimes is to me, and she said to me (roughly translated):

"Hm, let me think... Well, our last intern was Amandine.  But oh, no, you can't compare your situation with hers at all; it was totally different.  You see, Amandine was gorgeous.  She was a very, very beautiful girl; she had long, blonde hair, she was extremely pretty, she was tall and willowy like a he'd barely be able to remember his own name whenever he looked at her, much less be rude to her.  Actually, he gave her a fair bit of special treatment, especially at first - she was so attractive.  So no, he isn't always as rude to other interns as he is to you.  I have no idea why he behaves the way he does with you sometimes, but you can't compare your relationship with him at all with that of theirs - it was totally, totally different."

I've also had the following directed to me:

"Tina, girls like us can't shop in stores like ___________.  We need to shop in (insert names of boring/ugly/matronly brands) because their sizes and cutting are much more forgiving."

"Wow, we wouldn't be able to wear (insert article of clothing a model, actress, singer, or thin passerby was wearing at the time).  Girls like us really shouldn't wear tube tops/halters/tank tops/mini-skirts/mini-dresses.  Why, I don't get how you could rock what you're wearing!  I'd never be brave enough to wear that."

"I know he's ugly/fat/rude/stupid/obnoxious/ignorant/a total failure in life/absolutely disgusting, but I'm dating him anyway.  Girls like us need to take what we can get - you know what I mean."

No, I don't.  What do they mean, "girls like us"?  I'm nothing like them.  I can wear what I choose and look amazing in it.  I can go for "the good ones" because I'm a good catch and I deserve it.  I am beautiful because I've decided that I'm beautiful and I don't feel the need to clump myself in the same category as girls who are down on themselves and try to find commiserators who also believe that they can't live their lives the way certain other girls do because they think they're not pretty or thin or good enough in any other way.

As for the people mentioned above, as well as all the other people with whom I've had similar conversations but can't remember specifically (with the exception of my co-worker because I actually adore her and am sure she didn't mean for it to sound the way it did):

F*ck you; I am SO beautiful.

Just because my beauty doesn't slam you in the face doesn't mean it doesn't exist.  Just because my beauty isn't apparent to you doesn't mean it's not there.  The fact that I am not intimidating doesn't mean that I am not beautiful.  It especially doesn't mean that I deserve less or worse.

My beauty is subtle, like a good perfume, and it will be enduring, because I have the brains and the personality to back it up.

From the words of Margaret Cho:

"I am so beautiful, sometimes people weep when they see me. And it has nothing to do with what I look like really, it is just that I gave myself the power to say that I am beautiful, and if I could do that, maybe there is hope for them too. And the great divide between the beautiful and the ugly will cease to be. Because we are all what we choose."


your sister from another mister said...

First of all, NOOO I really enjoyed reading your posts everehday! Now how will i procrastinate?!! LOL that's how much I miss you!

Secondly, I AGREE with everything you said. And screw those ppl, they are dumb and insecure in their own looks if they can only see beauty in those limitations. It probably means that they're also judging themselves by those unrealistic standards and by default are unhappy with their own appearances.

Looorrves your Numba one faaan! (next to your mom likely)

Anonymous said...

I come here every so often but the title really attracted me this time.

I have to say, if every woman had an ounce of your overflowing confidence, they probably wouldn't notice their size anymore, or flaws for that matter. Confidence fits any size and shape, and for you, it's the perfect glamorous fit =]

Nevermind the nay-sayers! We all know they're just envious ;D Keep being a more fabulous you every day!

Xtine said...

Aw, thank you for the support!!! :)

Jadie said...

YES! You are beautiful and more importantly, you own it!